I came across this New York Times article which lists the top 100 things that waiters should never do. Although most, if not everyone, will probably agree that they're pretty good etiquettes to follow, one of them stands out among the rest:
34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.
I had lunch at a diner one day, and the waitresss was having a loud, hearty conversation with another customer. We were all sitting at the bar, so everyone within twenty-feet can hear what the conversation was about. Now, the waitress was pretty busty, and although the man was married, he was talking to her the same way a teenage guy would talk to a cute girl among other male peers--- with a mission to impress and standout among the rest. In a different, more upscale social setting, he'd probably be identifiable as the guy who drives a Bugatti with something to compensate.
But I digress. These two were having their private conversation straight through my meal, and it annoyed me so much I left without leaving anything on the table. Annoyed is actually putting it rather lightly. Disrespect is a more accurate word. Why is that? What exactly, then, is the meaning of respect?
How does one 'respect' a person? Is it done through verbal recognition, such as calling a man "sir" instead of "dude" ? Does respect manifest in an action, like an employee sucking up to the boss through flattery and being agreeable all the time? The dictionary defines 'respect' as "to hold in esteem or honor." -- useless as usual, they just give you the runaround by stating similar words. I can follow the dictionary's definition of "honor" and it will go back to "respect" which eventually tells me nothing about the real meaning.
Respect, is an acknowledgement and deference to one's existence. How does one 'respect' a person? Ironically, the most appropriate example of one giving respect is at a funeral when someone gives the dead person a moment of silence. In more simpler terms, the measurement of respect is time. Someone who is respectful of others is someone who knows how to shut their mouths and speak only at the appropriate time, which the waitress obviously had no clue about.
Are you following me? A more real life example may make more sense. I hate it when people talk to me while doing other things. If you want to talk to me, stop whatever you're doing and give me 100% of your time and attention. If you're talking to me and making a sandwich at the same time, it shows that your sandwich is just as important as I am, which is insulting because I'm definitely more important than a sandwich.
So, do you respect your wife? Turn off the TV when you speak to her and look at her eyes. Do you respect your husband? Have the same courtesy.
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